A Greater Glory!

It was somewhere between the second and third week of my illness when God showed up.

Five seconds before He decided to show up it was just… “business as usual.”

And what was business as usual?  Up until that day, for me it consisted of focusing on how to deal with the pain I was experiencing.  Not only the physical pain, but all my other earthly pains (responsibilities).   Including how and when I would ever be able to work again, how were the bills going to be paid, how would I be able to receive treatment without having medical insurance, etc., etc.?

I won’t ever forget the day, because it was the same day that evangelist David Wilkerson was killed in a car accident right outside of Dallas/Fort Worth, TX.  (Linda and I live in Weatherford, just west of Fort Worth.).

David’s ministry had a major impact on my life in my early years as a believer.

When the institutional church was immersed in the prosperity gospel, David seemed to have the only true prophetic voice.  When the focus of the average American Christian was on whether or not you were post-trib or pre-trib, David seemed, at least to me, to be the one voice of truth.

We recently cleaned out our garage and when I finally came across my stuff, I was amazed to see that I had saved just about every monthly newsletter he had written from 1982 up until the late 90’s.

For many lonely years David’s ministry was the only thing that kept me going.  It was also during that same time I found myself in a very tumultuous family situation.

There were many times I would literally run to the mailbox in anticipation of receiving the “true” spiritual food and drink  I needed in order to make it from one week to the next.

When I first heard of David’s death I was shocked.  But the real surprise came when my wife Linda read me an article from his final newsletter.  As she read, I found myself weeping uncontrollably, and not really understanding why.  And even though I didn’t understand completely what was happening, I did know there was a death I was also experiencing.

I didn’t know why at the time, but looking back I can only conclude one thing.  This was the day God had decided I was to move from death to life in some specific areas of my life.  It’s like God allowed the deep seated feelings I carried for David and his ministry to act as the catalyst for me to  also experience a “deeper death” of my own.  

As I laid there on my bed, Linda continud reading the article  “When All Means Fail.”  

As she read David’s words, I thought of the multitudes of people his life impacted over the course of his 60 years of ministry.  From there I started thinking of what type of influence I had been on people’s lives.  In the past 30 years, whose life had I influenced in the same way David’s impacted mine?

It’s almost like the Holy Spirit, in union with David’s writing, was “once and for all ” calling me to go beyond my own “stuff” to the place of seeing… As He is so are we in this world! (I John 4:17)

God was doing an internal work inside of me, and I somehow knew I would never be the same.

As soon as Linda completed the article we both started praying.

As I surrendered my heart to the Lord, I knew this was my “point of no return.”   This was the season God had chosen for me to finally move beyond seeing the temporal and the earthly to…SEEING ONLY HIM IN ALL THINGS!

Still weeping uncontrollably, I surrendered everything that was on my heart, I also surrendered my body and all of my “so-called” earthly responsibilities. (fears)

The same exact fears that plagued me most of my life and kept me from being able to walk IN His Freedom! (Galatians 5:1)

I knew this time of testing was all about stepping out and believing God, and doing so right in the face of every negative circumstance Linda and I were dealing with at the time!  And that the suffering we were experiencing, was in reality, the greatest gift we could ever receive.  How else could we ever have the opportunity to…“call the things that are not as though they were?” (Romans 4:17)

I am convinced He purposely set aside this exact time for me to finally release these specific areas of my life to Him.  It’s also in this place of having what Jesus described as a Single Eye ,where (seeing HIM IN ALL THINGS) we are given the continued opportunity of seeing suffering of any kind in the way He has always seen it.  Which is the entrance to a further revelation of an even…GREATER GLORY!” (Romans 8:17)

For you have died and your life is NOW hidden with Christ IN God. (Colossians 3:3)

Today it has been 77 days I have been on my back because of the infection in my spine.   And because neither Linda or I knew what we were dealing with, the first 46 of those days were spent in pain.

I wish I could say that everything has gone smooth since that time, but I wouldn’t be telling the truth.  I also wish I could tell you I have walked in some kind of spiritual “super faith” since I surrendered to the Lord ALL that was on my heart, but that isn’t true either.

Our lives are not now, nor have they ever been about what we have or what we can do!

Our lives are ONLY… about seeing Him as our ALL IN ALL.  The One who fills everything in every way.  And because He lives IN us and we live IN Him, we already have everything pertaining to our life IN Him.  So we can also say, “apart from Him we can do nothing!” 

I know one thing, since the day brother Wilkerson went home, I became settled in my heart concerning what I used to view as my “responsibilities.”  

And it’s not that I don’t care about these daily things, it’s just that  NOW I know He cares even more than I do. 

And because He cares, I can rest knowing that no matter what happens to me, good or evil, it is only further evidence of His longing to share in a greater revelation of His Glory!

In closing, I would like to share with you the article from David Wilkerson’s final newsletter:

 When All Means Fail!

 To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means.  A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope.  Death seems inevitable.  Hope is gone.  The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now?  You prayed until you had no tears left.  You fasted.  You stood on promises.  You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore.  It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind.  These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense.  You will see it was all part of my plan.  It was no accident.  It was no failure on your part. Hold fast.  Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love.  When all means fail—his love prevails.  Hold fast to your faith.  Stand fast in his Word.  There is no other hope in this world. (David Wilkerson, 4-27-11)